The Bailey Bulletin

Top Dog is a family business this week. Dave Fenton and Dave Fenton Jr. both went 5-1 through Sunday, and their only loss was the same one: the Jets, beaten 23-12 by the Bears, whom they both also own. Last Monday the elder Fenton was in the Dog House and 22.3% to finish last. Today he is 10th and that number is 7.5%.

Dad owns Chicago three times, so one Bears win was worth 6 points. Junior owns Baltimore twice. John Raz has the Dog House to himself the hard way: five different teams, five losses.

Friday's fight went the distance. Dallas scored with 40 seconds left to win 34-30 in Houston, which was three wins for The Young MCs Ponenti Cousins and two losses for Eric/Sean Laverty. The Texans are 0-4, and at two shares that is eight of Eric/Sean's 15 losses. Two general managers, one roster, one decision, and it's the Texans.

Dave Yanstick "Stick" went 3-3 and took first place alone anyway, at 36, because Tommy G went 2-4. The projections were less impressed: Stick was 36.1% to win it all last Monday and is 25.3% today. Nobody within 4 points of him plays tonight.

Last place is still Uncle Pat The Chairman at 8 points, and the only 2 he added were the 2 he could not lose: he owns both sides of Titans at Ravens. Everything else of his that played lost, and his odds of finishing last went from 27.7% to 41.6%.

Falcons at Saints tonight, and the Saints are the house team of the basement: 26th through 29th all own New Orleans. That is Raz, Commissioner Rich Laverty, Jim Seyglinski and the Chairman. The commissioner has a voting bloc at last, and it is the bottom four. Raz needs the win to avoid an 0-6 week. Tom Oleary owns Atlanta twice: 4 points the other way.

Paddy Woods went 6-0 and jumped from 17th to 4th through Sunday, thirteen spots. The projections had him at 1.7% to win it all last Monday and 4.9% today, so the computer is doing what the rest of you did Sunday night: pretending it saw this coming.

Tommy G also went 6-0, so Top Dog is a two-way split at 12. He and Dave Yanstick "Stick" are tied at 30, with Tommy G first on the tiebreaker. The Dog House is a five-way tie at 2 points, and the Chargers built most of it: Uncle Pat The Chairman and Jim Seyglinski each own Los Angeles twice, and the Chargers lost again in Buffalo.

Ravens at Cowboys paid off Friday's warning: Baltimore won 34-31 on a walk-off field goal in Rio, so Dave Fenton Jr. cashed two Ravens shares and climbed from 16th to 11th, and The Young MCs Ponenti Cousins lost three Cowboys shares on the last play in Brazil and fell from 11th to 16th. They traded places.

Stick went 4-1 through Sunday and is now 36.1% to win it all, up from 27% last Monday. Berto 2 Time Returning Champion went 5-1 and sits 3rd at 28: back-to-back titles and lurking.

Last place is still Uncle Pat The Chairman at 3-15 and 6 points, now 27.7% to finish there, up from 21.1%. Commissioner Rich Laverty is 28th at 10. They drafted three of the same teams, the Titans, Saints and Chargers, and all three lost Sunday. The man who runs the league is being run over by it, and he brought the Chairman along for the ride.

Eagles at Bears tonight: Stick has the Eagles, and a win puts him alone in first at 32. Dave Fenton owns the Bears three times, so a win is 6 points and a way out of the Dog House. Jeff Fischetti owns both, so he gets 2 points either way.

Last Monday Dave Fenton Jr. was 6-0, tied for first, and the AI gave him a 10.4% shot at the title. He then went 0-5, scored 0 points, and watched that number drop to 2.0%. He took the Ravens twice at the draft, so the Saints beat him twice on Sunday. Jayden Daniels popped his elbow out of its socket on Sunday. Fenton Jr. popped himself out of first place the same afternoon, and only one of them gets an MRI.

He shares the Dog House with Glen Szenzenstein, also at 0 points, and tonight is a straight playoff for it: Fenton Jr. has the Giants, Glen has the Rams, and the loser keeps the Dog House alone.

Dave Fenton owns the Bears three times. The Bears scored 3 points against Minnesota, then Caleb Williams got carted off with a hamstring, so the Bears offense is now officially less healthy than the Bears defense. With three Bears on the roster, the Dog House could be Dave's new home. Ask him about Sunday dinner at the Fenton house this week. Between the two Daves it was 20 points in Week 1 and 2 points in Week 2.

Two heads, one roster, four wins. Eric and Sean used both their brains to draft the Texans twice, and the Texans repaid them with a 6-point game against Cincinnati. Somewhere in that group chat, somebody is saying "I told you so," and he is also wrong.

Top Dog is a three-way split at 10 points: Dave Yanstick "Stick", Tommy G and Dr. Nick Shupin each went 5-1. Stick is now 11-1 with 22 points, 4 points clear of everybody, and the projections give him a 28.9% chance to win it all, up from 17.9% last Monday. His one loss was the Ravens, the same team currently ruining two Daves. Tommy G and Berto 2 Time Returning Champion are next at 18 points. Kathy Ford (Giants) and The Young MCs Ponenti Cousins (Rams) are at 8 points with a game left, so one of them can make it a four-way Top Dog tonight.

Last place is Uncle Pat The Chairman at 2-10 and 4 points. One of his two wins on the year came from the Saints, who got it by beating his own Ravens. The Chairman is now generating points against himself. Commissioner Rich Laverty tripled his season total this week. Before you're impressed, he tripled 2. He has the Rams tonight, and if they win he climbs out of the bottom three, so expect a very neutral opinion from the commissioner's office.

Six of you drafted Washington. Jayden Daniels dislocated his elbow on Sunday, so the good news is that 23 of you didn't.

Eleven of you have a team in tonight's game. Greg Giannone has both, so he's the only one watching for fun.

Well, look who showed up for the first round of Bailey's Pub League. Week 1 is in the books through Sunday, and the standings are already looking juicy. Two early front-runners for Top Dog: Dave Fenton Jr. and Dave Yanstick "Stick" both went a perfect 6-0 for 12 points. Not bad, fellas, but it's a marathon, not a sprint. Berto 2 Time Returning Champion sits right behind them at 10, reminding everyone why he's got back-to-back titles.

Down in the Dog House it's a tight race for who's buying the first round: Rich Laverty, Travis C. and Uncle Pat The Chairman are all stuck on 2 points. Rough start to the season for the commissioner — the man who runs the league is currently being run over by it. We expected better from the Chairman, too.

As for JJ Vogel The Webmaster: all that AI humming under the hood of this website, the projections had him as the preseason favorite, and the robots have him sitting at 2-3 through Sunday with one game left tonight. The machines can build the leaderboard; they can't get him to the top of it.

Fun fact for the New Yorkers: the Giants and the Jets both won their openers this weekend. The last time that happened was 2009 — and the Yankees won the World Series less than two months later. Make of that what you will.

The chasing pack at 8 points — Al Ponenti, Dave Fenton, Dr. Scott Laverty, Matt Kennedy Sgt. At Arms and Tommy G — is one good Sunday from the top, while Eric/Sean Laverty took an early tumble. Don't worry: there's plenty of football left, and plenty of beer to go with it. Let's see who holds strong after Monday Night Football.